The Fine Print
Yes, Dorothy, there IS a Pie Queen & her name is Pie Queen.
And just like American Pie Stand, she’ll be happy to play your request & make you a special pie or cake of your liking as long as you:
1) Give her at least 48 hours notice (all REAL GOOD, “from scratch” things take time!) What this means is: try not to call at 5pm and ask if you can have that starfruit/octopus/pecan smoothie fudge nut brittle double-decker oreo-waffle, tofu upside down tart (with triple soy, venus fly trap extract & low fat hand-whipped, double sifted, semi-virgin Kiwi zest [imported from Portugal] for dessert at 6:25p
2) The ingredients are available HERE & are of high quality. We are also so HAPPY to sell any pie whole if we have it, that we often require a plastic surgeon to remove-ify the smile from our faces. That’s how happy we are about selling whole pies. Ask for our pie chart. p.s. the price on the above mentioned dessert: $24,687.17. No personal checks.
We do a little catering here and there
And some private parties, wedding receptions & Bat (that’s bot) Mitzvahs. So dream up a wild affair & let us feed you. The Rafters Gallery upstairs is also available for groups up to 25 with a collective GPW (gross personage weight) of UNDER 5250 lbs and children who will not put their gooey fingers all over the ART.
Reservations are accepted
…and probably advisable on weekends and some week nights. We hold reservations for 10 minutes & shoot you if you’re late. If you’re a no show, we come after you.
You may be asked to share a table with other humans
When we are really busy. We will determine what “really busy” means.
The Rocking V Cafe operates happily on Mountain Standard Time.
The state of Arizona does not play along with the whole Daylight Savings Time thang. SO……………..
If you’re coming for dinner from The North Rim or Pipe Springs or ANYWHERE in Arizona, REMEMBER: while the remainder of the universe is on Daylight Savings Time, you are 1 hour BEHIND – EXAMPLE: When the big hand is on the 12 & the little hand is on the 8, it’s 8pm in AZ, but it’s 9pm in Kanab.
We accept VISA, MasterCard, AmEx, traveler’s cheques and cash.
We apologize in advance for the fact that you won’t be getting Discover play money
We happily welcome you and your pet on the patio.
We will also happily provide a doggy water bowl, a milkbone & an ashtray, if your pet smokes
We want you to have a great time at our place.
If you have a problem, tell us & we’ll do all we can to make it right, right away. If you wait until you’re leaving & mutter something as you walk out the door, we’ll laugh at you & throw pasta in your hair.
The Rocking V is a restaurant, not a bar,
So you can NOT just have a drink. Utah law requires that you MUST have food with ANY alcoholic beverage order. Silk Pie goes well with Polygamy Porter.
Our food is slow food, …
… but we’ll gladly pack it all up for takeout (except creme brulee).
Planet UTAH is all non-smoking.
You may stroll outside though & have a puff. Make sure your fat butt makes it into the ‘tray, please.
Our dining room and restrooms are fully accessible to persons with disabilities. Our gallery is upstairs & therefore is not.
An 18% gratuity will automatically be added to the bill on parties of 5 or more. We WILL do the math on that one.
The tax rate is 9.10%
No, we’re not happy about it either.
We serve water on request only
To help conserve the West’s most valuable resource
Just in case your mamma didn’t teach you:
- 1) DO NOT be so rude as to think that everyone coming in for a nice meal wants to listen to your cell phone conversation or watch you text, tweet, MyFace, SpaceLook, MyLook, SpaceFace or TwitterBird your girlfriend. If you are SO important that you can not be out of communication with World HQ for even a minute,
- TAKE ALL ELECTRONIC DEVICES OUTSIDE, finish your beeswax and then shut the damn thing OFF before returning to your table.
- 2) We’ll be happy to read you the entire menu over the phone, however there are better times than 7:30p on Saturday night.
- 3) We know they’ve been in the car for 10 hours, but PLEASE, for their safety & everyone else’s, DO NOT let your restless children run wildly around the floor of the cafe, up & down the stairs or around the gallery. We’re serious. Bad parenting should be limited to the confines of YOUR house. Loose children will be threatened with having their heads set afire. Really. Look it up on Trip Advisor.
- 4) DO NOT change your infant’s diaper ANYWHERE in our cafe (except in the bathroom & then please remove the crappy diaper to your car!)
- 5) While you ARE special and every human being has essential worth, at the end of the meal, it is OUR place and we reserve the right to inform you of that fact if you act like a JACKASS.
We’re happy to hear your comments
Comments, feedback, opinions & general musings on food, fun, art, music & life its own self, as well as your experiences at The Rocking V.